My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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