my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
