He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just found puke in my bra..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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