I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
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Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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