Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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