He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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