my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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