So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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