just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Man, jail baloney is awful.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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