he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
