I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
