i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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