like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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