his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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