They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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