EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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