I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
