found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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