you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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