butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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