Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
