Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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