My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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