they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
