I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
