I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
