Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
