sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
