I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
