Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
