I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
