there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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