So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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