pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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