Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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