So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
