WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
