He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
