he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
