The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
