My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
