my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize