Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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