If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i came on her dog
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
