hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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