just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
