I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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