I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
