I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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