I want to walk on stilts...naked
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
