we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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