Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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