quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
