we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
