So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
