garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you win again, gameday.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
