He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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